GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
