so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
