no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
