you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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