did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i will never coherently bang her
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
