My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
