I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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