I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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