We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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