my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
