My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
