Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
