I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
