He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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