Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
zippers are such a cool invention
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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