He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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