Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
