Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
