come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
NoShamevember. You game?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
