call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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