My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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