no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
