You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
