remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
bring money and cleavage
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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