I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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