I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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