I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
