I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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