Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
