M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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