i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
