you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
