Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
