Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
