just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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