So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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