$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
