i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
