This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
