actually, I'm a sock model
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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