May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
