i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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