I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
