it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
