remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
