Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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