I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
