Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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