Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
