Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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