She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
