I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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