He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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