Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
