He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
