all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
