I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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