Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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