I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
